My prayer to God

God.

First and foremost, thank You for not making me study for term 1. It was a big slap on my face. Thanks for failing both my Mathematics, for my Mother is a Mathematics teacher, and it is only through shame that I learn.

As I received the message that I did not get into the committee, I only felt regret and stupid. I regret for taking it for granted, and I feel stupid cause, well, I failed. Most of my friends passed with flying colours, some with 100%, some with 95%. And I failed. Wow. Slap.

I know I haven't been quite a responsible student and I always manage to slip through examinations without having to study much. However, I know that this time it is different. Everytime before my exams, or before my results, I would pray to You to grant me good results, so that I can show my friends, so that I can prove people wrong, so that it proves that I have a very good mother.

But I am asking You something different this time.

I ask for a favour, that You make me a little bit more studious. A little bit more responsible. A little bit more aware, that if I screw this up, it's a waste of a shitload of money. I don't want You to snap fingers and give me good results, because I know I used up all my chances for that already. UPSR, PMR, SPM. Therefore, please, make me more err, nerdy.

BUT.

I still want to go party. I still want to enjoy life. I realised that I needed to study more so these few days, I dragged myself to college/university at 7pm in the evening to sit down in a quiet place to study. And I realised I could do it. And I enjoyed doing it. With the help of a Red Bull. It costs 4 bucks. That's RM12 for one Red Bull. Shit it's a lot.

Anyway.

I thought about this as I was walking home at 11pm today from the library. I couldn't enjoy the satisfaction more. The air was cold, the breeze was temperate (that shakes the darling buds of May). The night was beautiful, because I conquered the first two chapters of Mathematics 2. It felt great. And I want to do it again.

I WANT TO BE FUCKING SMART.

And I know that I can only access this through hard work. And please, please, grant me that. Let me prove to everyone out there that inside this party animal, there's still a responsible adult knowing what he's here in Melbourne for. Let me prove to everyone that people who party can too be successful in life, for that is what I have always stood by.

Oh yeah, if You happen to really read this, thanks for the finger snappings before this!

Yours sincerely,
Eugene, TAN